Step mom! Why is it that this name sends chills down everyone's back and makes everyone automatically think....EVIL? ' "Since my children could speak I’ve repeated the same mantra, “There’s no such thing as a good stepmother.” Walt Disney built a film studio based on the notion that Stepmothers are evil. I know I’m right.' - (JG) This is the reputation that women always have to prove wrong when becoming serious with any man who has a child, thanks a lot Walt. Why is it that men don't get this bad of a wrap for being a step parent?
When my husband and I started dating, no one, not even us, could of guessed we would one day be married. Even more so, that I would become a step mom to an 18 year old when I was 25! No, that is not a typo...it's the truth. My husband is 15 years older than me. I have discovered it is far more common than anyone would imagine, love has no age. However, when we started getting serious, that was not the obstacle that I was terrified to conquer, it was the reputation that I was so familiar with of a step mom.
In many ways I have been lucky, there has not been a mother figure in my stepdaughter's ear, making her feel as though she were betraying anyone because she was bonding with me. However now, after now becoming a Mother, I can sympothize with any birth mother put in this position. I could never imagine another woman EVER being called Mom by Declan, or him being taken care of by another woman when he is sick or talking to him after a bad day because that is MY JOB. Therefore, I can see why a Mom would be jealous of a Step mom. So, in that aspect, I was very lucky. My husband has had fully custody of Hallee since she was 6 months old and trust me, it takes a REAL MAN to do that.
As a step-parent when is it your place to discipline a child? When is it crossing the line? "YOU'RE NOT MY MOM (Dad)" is a popular phrase that everyone, even those who aren't step-parents, are familiar with. This was something I have struggled with as I'm sure most step-parents do. Although, in my case, not only did I have the struggle with my role in Hallee's life but how was I going to be taken seriously when I am only 7 years older then my step-child? It has been the butt end of many jokes, I've heard it all...however, I have learned I am a 35 year old in a 25 year old body (now 26). With my past, I have had to grow up emotionally faster then most people my age. One of my main struggles was, how can you expect the child whom you haven't fully built a bond with yet, to like someone who just comes in and starts disciplining them?
Last year was the year I had to pull everything together. Hallee and I had already formed the "friendship" and I never wanted to tell her she couldn't do something or have something, I was so afraid of becoming that evil step parent in her eyes. However, my husband has his own business and with that comes a lot of stress. He is one of the least selfish people I have ever met, so not only does he feel he has to keep the business afloat in order to support his family but he feels he is responsible for all of his employee's and their families as well. A responsiblity he takes very seriously.
The saying always serves right, "when it rains, it pours". I was pregnant, Farrell had a lot of complications with the company and Hallee decided that it was a great time to become rebellious! Farrell was working late nights and he finally told me "You HAVE to stop trying to be her friend and be a parent". He was right! I was so fearful that if I actually told her "No" or tried to discipline her in any way that she would hate me. However, I was not helping her in any way by doing this. It may make things good for the time being but in the long run I know she would respect me more for helping her down the right path. Therefore, I had to swallow my fear and keep repeating this to myself.
I know there were many days last year that she absolutely hated me, probably even wished I wasn't around and many nights my heart was broken into a million pieces because of it. However, we made it through it all! We are now closer than ever too. Whenever she has a problem, I am always one of the first people she runs to and when she is doing something wrong, I am one of the first people to call her out on it. I like to believe that she feels with me, like you do with any parent, you don't want to disappoint your parent and I really believe Hallee feels this way with me. Grant it, she still has a ways to go but I need to give credit where credit is due and she has come a long way since last year and I like to believe I have had some part in making her the young lady she is and will continue to become. Of course, most credit is due to my husband, but maybe I can take about 5% credit. :)
Like any parent, I worry about her when she's gone late at night or won't respond to my calls and I love the moments she takes to spend time with me with no friends around. I love her as if she were my own and I wouldn't trade her in for the world. She can certainly drive me up the wall at times but I couldn't imagine my life without her, I love you Miss Hallee and I will always be here for you, always remember that!
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