My Pregnancy...

Once a year my husband and his friend go to Maine for a "man/survival" trip.  If you ask me, it's the dumbest thing I've ever heard of.  They typically go the beginning of November for two weeks.  Now, if the light bulb hasn't gone off yet, let me put this into perspective for you.  They travel close to East Millinocket which the average high for this time of year is 43 degrees, the average low is 27 degrees.  However, it has been known to get down to 8 degrees.  None the less, they still go, tents and sleeping bags to camp.  Every year they have gone, it has snowed and every year they come back earlier then planned reeking of camp fire and dirty as a pig rolling in mud.  They claim they go to do man surviving, like you see on TV however, they make a pit stop and buy all sorts of grocery's and boil lobster and clams.  When I think of someone doing a "survival trip" I think of you hunting your food and if you don't catch anything, you starve so grocery food doesn't exactly sound like "surviving" to me.  However, I guess in that kind of weather there is a slight bit of "surviving" going on, or perhaps it's a slight bit of insanity.  They drive on back roads that don't have names, aren't paved and it could be months before someone comes down them.  However, they enjoy it and always have interesting stories to tell when they return so, what the heck let boys be boys as long as strippers and women aren't involved...I'm okay with it.  (hehe)  Well, it was that time of year and he was preparing his bags for weeks with wool sweaters and skull caps.  My sister was preparing to drive to New Jersey for our brother's annual Halloween Party so, instead of staying home, I decided to go with my sister for a long weekend.   

PICTURES TAKEN ON CAMPING TRIP TO MAINE

Farrell (my husband) and I wanted to start trying to get pregnant once we got married.  I had something telling me I needed to take a pregnancy test the day of the party to make sure I'm not pregnant before I drank.  I wasn't late yet so I knew if it said I wasn't, it may not be correct.  Therefore, that morning, I woke up at Aunt Pat's, grabbed the test and went to the bathroom.  It didn't even take the full time to show up...it was positive!  I'm not exactly sure how long I stood there and looked at it, I couldn't believe it actually happened so quick!  I rushed back to the bedroom, woke up my sister and made her look at it to make sure I wasn't seeing things wrong.  She confirmed that, in fact, I was pregnant.  This wasn't exactly the way I wanted to tell my husband, over the phone.  I always wanted to do something really cute, to tell him.  However, I wasn't going to see him for 2 weeks!  I couldn't keep it from him for that long...I would burst!  Therefore, I texted him and told him that he needed to call me as soon as he could.  He called me immediately.  He was in the process of packing the truck to leave.  When I told him he first asked if I was kidding and when I said no, he was so excited, I had never heard him so excited!  My husband has two personalities; easy going/monotone and mad!  (HAHA)  He never gets excited about anything so to hear him so excited was something very foreign for me but it made me that much happier. I really wish I was able to see his reaction.  We decided at this time  that we wanted to keep it quiet until after the first trimester.  I have seen my sister and sister-in-law go through miscarriages and I saw how hard it was for them to deal with it much less tell everyone about it too.  I really didn't want to go through that in the event something did happen.  Although, it was very obvious to those in New Jersey as I was for the first time, a wall flower sipping water and day dreaming rather then dancing.

Once I returned home it wasn't long until I started having pregnancy symptoms.  I got morning sickness!  The name of it is so misleading because my "morning sickness" was morning, afternoon and night sickness.  I decided it should be called "awake sickness" instead because the only time I wasn't sick was when I was sleeping.  Something I was never told, not only do you get sick, your nauseous all the rest of the time and get bad stomach cramps.  Some days it was so bad that I couldn't move, if I did, I would get sick.  Luckily I was given medicine that could help me however it would knock me out.  I tried eating, people told me it could be because my stomach is empty, however eating constantly did nothing but make me gain weight rapidly!  Once I got through the first trimester the "awake sickness" went away and I finally felt comfortable to tell everyone our news!  

I wanted to do everything right.  I wanted to be the "perfect mom".  I wanted my son to grow up and see how much I love him without me even having to say it (even though I will...all the time).  I wanted him to grow up in a very positive environment with no arguing.  I made my husband attend birthing classes with me and CPR.  I'm very happy that I attended the birthing class...however I have already forgotten what to do as for CPR.  (Maybe I should do a reading refresher course).  I made sure I didn't eat the things people say you shouldn't eat, I made sure to stop the caffeine (although, the closer to the end of my pregnancy when I was really dragging, I had a cup of coffee each morning), I would walk away from all people smoking and I made sure not to lift heavy objects.  I wanted to do anything and everything to make sure my child was healthy.  If anything did turn out abnormal, I would know it was because God wanted it that way, not because I did something wrong.

I was always expecting the queen treatment from my husband...you know the kind of treatment you see in the movies.  The man comes home with ice cream and flowers every week without being asked, massages your feet that throb from carrying two people around all day, rubs your belly and talks to the baby.  I got no special treatment at all!  I still had the same house duties, still had to watch the things my husband wanted to watch, still got treated the same way and I think my belly weirded my husband out.  Bah humbug!  However, towards the end when I was very uncomfortable my husband did have someone come clean the house for me and even started making dinner once he returned home from work.  By the end of my pregnancy just getting out of bed and walking around was tiring.  All I've got to say is that I am going to sew every producer who ever put a movie out showing how wonderful husbands are during pregnancy's, because it's not true...at least not in my case.  ;)

I had always said I wanted a boy!  Boys always seem to have a special bond with there Mom's and I wanted that with my child.  I know no matter what my brother ever did he was perfect, even if my sister and I did the same thing...it was always better when my brother did it!  (HA)  When I got pregnant, I immediately started saying it was a boy.  I'm not sure if I actually knew it some how (mother's intuition) or if maybe I wished so hard that it made him into a boy, or maybe it was those boy shirts that my husband made me keep under my pillow for good luck but when we found out IT'S A BOY, we were thrilled.  Farrell had the son he always wanted, a child he could make into a sports star!

I have always thought that pregnant women were so adorable. They had a beautiful glow and it was so cute the way they waddled. I thought I would love being pregnant like so many people do. However, I HATED it. Every second of it! I hated how I had to go to the bathroom 50 times a day, I hated how bad my knees hurt, I hated how my back hurt, I hated how my stomach, sides, arms, legs were now filled with stretch marks, I hated that I could barely fit into my husbands clothes much less mine by the end of my pregnancy. I thought it was weird that something was growing, in me. As much as him moving gave me comfort that he was okay, it also weirded me out! I didn't think I was cute at all, and I certainly didn't think my waddle was either. As much as I would deny it, looking back, I was deffidently over sensitive and super hormonal. I would freak out over the smallest things however, I didn't use it as an excuse because I would always insist it was you not me. (Gawh, what's your problem? hehe)

Okay, Okay....I must admit, there were a few things I did actually enjoy while I was pregnant.  I really enjoyed picking out things to create, what I thought to be, a warm and cozy atmosphere for my baby boys room!  It was fun looking at all of the cute little baby things.  I liked browsing through stores and looking at all the teeny tiny little baby clothes, blankets and toys.  I could spend hours in Toys R Us just looking, even if I left not buying a thing.  I was very surprised when, my husband who hates to shop, also enjoyed partaking in this new browsing activity of ours.  Not to mention, my all time favorite thing about being pregnant was the bond that you start with this child that your carrying and it is indescribable but it's noticeably their.  It's amazing how much you can love something you've never seen or held!

Durring my pregnancy I had so much support.  People came out from every direction to offer there help for when he arrived.  I had people checking up on me all the time.  I really felt loved by so many people.  Tons of people showered us with gifts and went out of there way on so many occasions to do things for me.  I never in a million years would of expected that!  My sister and my best friend (with the help of my sisters Dad) threw a baby shower for me in May because I was so sure that I was going to have this baby early!  I loved seeing my friends and had a fabulous time.

All of my appointments went very well. We only had one scare when the doctor couldn't find the heart beat at one of the appointments. However, we were squeezed into the ultrasound room and found out, that our little stinker was hiding and was perfectly fine. I thought, after I had called what sex of the baby was, that I was a baby psychic or something so I was determined he was going to come in June and not July 7th, my due date. Come June, I found out I was 2 cm diolated. I figured I was right, he WAS actually going to come early.

At this point, Farrell and I decided we needed to get serious about naming "Baby Mullins".  I was starting to believe that we were going to be in the hospital arguing about what to name him or even worse, leave without the baby having a name!  One thing that my husband and I really bump heads on is he is a procrastinator which is the worst nightmare for a major planner...like me!  Therefore, I was REALLY begining to worry.  He wanted to name the baby Godric X Mullins (no, I'm not lieing...he was serious!), I wanted to name him Mason Farrell Mullins.  Neither one of us agreed with the other.  We finally came up with a list of names we agreed on; Payton, Keegan, Brendan (other spellings were Brenden and Brendon), Brennon, Collin, Cullen.  However, none of them seemed right.  I told my husband I really wanted to pass his middle name on to our child.  It had been in his family for several generations and it was very unique and I liked it so he agreed!  Then he decided that he wanted to have his son to have the same initals as him D.F.M. and since we were both Irish, we wanted a strong Irish name.  The last week of June, I started having contractions and just in the nick of time because we picked a name.  However, we decided not to tell anyone the name until after he arrived.  Everyone seemed to have some sort of input about every name.  Either they knew someone they didn't like with the name or they thought another name was better or they knew too many people with that name or they just flat out didn't like it.  If it was already his name, what could anyone say about it at that point?  After a day of contractions, we headed to the doctor.  She checked and said I was 3 cm and she felt his head, she would be surprised if he wasn't here that night.  My sister was instructed to stay close by the phone and my cousin even prepared to come down from New Jersey so she too could be here when the baby arrived...

I figured I should start out by letting you all know a little more about me and my story as to how I got to where I am now.  I think your past is a big part of who you are, it is what has shaped you and taught you the do's and don'ts of the world.  I decided to start this blog only because I was asked to!  Now, don't get me wrong, I didn't have several people complementing me by any means, I had one individual say a couple nice things about my writing and suggest it so no one had to twist my arm.  When I thought about it, I figured it could be a nice outlet for me and maybe someone will read it who can relate and not feel as alone or crazy.  ;)

Before I begin I do ask a few things of you.  I am well aware that I am not the best speller and my punctuation is at times in the completely wrong spots and I may not use there or their properly but don't worry, I am not teaching English nor do I ever plan to therefore don't make fun of me.  (hehe)  Also, it takes a lot to let potential strangers into your thoughts and view the window of your past, present and future, flaws and all therefore, if you can not keep from judgments and criticism, please do not continue on.

I was born in 1985 in Morristown, New Jersey.  Yes, I was born a Yankee!  Both of my parents had previous marriages along with children from those marriages.  My Mom's children lived with us when I was born, they were 12 (sister) and 14 (brother) at the time and from what I've been told, they spoiled me rotten.  My Dad's children lived with their Mom in Maryland and did not communicate with my Dad.  When I was 2, my Dad was transferred to Roanoke, Virginia.  My mom was devastated and we stayed in New Jersey until after my 3rd Birthday so I could celebrate it with loved ones.  Then we waved good-bye to my sister and brother who chose to stay in New Jersey with their Dad and moved down south.  We moved into a neighborhood in the County.  I was so lucky because their were so many other kids my age on my street.  I had friends every where!  My house was always the hang out spot because my Mom stayed home and we had a pool!  I remember we would swim all day then play flash light tag all night.  

My home life was not your "normal" life.  As everyone who knew us, knew there was a lot of dysfunction in our house.  However, their were also a lot of great times as well that no one seemed to talk about.  Becoming a Mother has opened my eyes to many things, although my parents may not have been award winning parents they did make me who I am and in all honesty, I believe they had the best intentions for me and they are my parents.  I have finally come to the conclusion that they did give it there all and I'm thankful for all the things they did provide me with.  I will never have any other parents, just like they will never have another Ali and although I don't agree with everything they did I do love them.  There will be many things that my child or your children don't agree with you or I about but that's what makes individuals...different perspectives, right?

When I was in kindergarten my Mom was diagnosed with MS.  That was a very big pill to swallow for my Mom.  She was always the gorgeous woman who was always the life of every party.  She caused heads to turn from across the room and was a phenomenal dancer.  She danced on Broadway in New York and even studied with some famous dancers.  She also modeled!  She was stunning!  I would always get compliments from people about how beautiful my Mom was.  However, now she was being told that the things she loved most were being taken away from her.  She had several spells where her leg was not able to move and she would have to drag it behind her as she hobbled around.  There were several times where she woke up and her vision was completely gone for days.  It was all very scary for us all.  However, she has been very lucky as all of these things that happened have always just been temporary.

A couple days before my Junior year in High School one of my very good friends passed away in a car accident.  I had grown up with here since Elementary school and she lived in my neighborhood.  Her and her family were some of the nicest people I have ever met.  It's always hard to loose someone but to loose a friend, that close to you, that young, was so hard!  It took a very long time for me to finally get over the loss of her and not a day goes by that I do not think of her.

That same year I started to date my High School Sweetheart!  He was a star on the baseball team and all the girls were googly eyed for him...I felt like I was cream of the crop when he asked me out!  When our senior year came along he knew he wasn't able to afford to pay for a four year college and his parents were unable to help him therefore he had no other choice but to go to a two year college even though he was graduating with honors.  I of course was so in love and couldn't even think of leaving him for college so I too decided to go to our local Community College as well, even though my parents could help me out and I had the grades to go somewhere else. 

After we graduated we both started working full time and eventually dropped out of school.  I was so close to my Associates, I am still kicking myself in the butt for dropping out!  However, money was more important to us, we had all the answers you know.  I wasn't getting along too well with my parents at this time and was very eager to get out of the house.  Therefore, my boyfriend and I decided that we would get married!  We had been dating for years, always together, loved each other very much, what could be any different? 

After we got engaged he started to work at the Sheriff's office, it was so much more money and it was going to help out tremendously besides, I was working for an Attorney so we were also in the same field now.  We set a wedding date (October 20th) but didn't tell my family until after I moved out into our apartment (June).  My Father was very hurt that I snuck around planning a wedding and getting an apartment and didn't tell him.  I of course at the time, didn't really think it was that big of a deal.  He didn't think I was making the right decision and refused to be any part of it.  Therefore, my Brother and Sister helped me out. 

The closer the wedding date came the more my fiance and I started to argue.  I had noticed he had started to change with his new job at the Sheriff's office however, I was clouded by all of our dreams to see how much it really was.  I think right before we got married we both probably thought that it wasn't quite right but we were in too deep.  My family had forked out all of this money to make our dreams come true, we had to make this work!  After a few months of marriage, we called it quits.  As hard as it was to admit...yes Dad, you were right!  Don't you hate it when your parents were right?  ;)

I for one, am not good with change at all.  Here was my best friend for nearly 6.5 years whom I was now in no communication with.  I didn't know exactly how to handle it.  Be happy or be sad; be ashamed or be proud? Were people going to look down on me now? 

I was introduced to a group of really nice individuals by my best friend.  I started hanging out with them every weekend.  It was a very diverse group but one thing they all had in common was they were all very excepting of me.  They were all into the party scene and with me feeling so lost I fell right into it with them.  Every weekend we did the same thing...how it kept us amused for so long, I'm not exactly sure now?  (HA)  I started having feelings for one of the individuals and he with me as well.  We started to hang out during the week and realized we REALLY liked each other.  Only thing that people may look down upon, including my parents was...he was 15 years older than me and had a 15 year old daughter who he had full custody of.  However, I fell hard and very fast for him and didn't care what people thought about it.  This was a different kind of love then for my High school Sweetheart too...I still to this day get butterflies every time he kisses me and I still stare at him at times with my heart bursting with all the love I have for him.

After two years together we got engaged in the snow and married on the beach a year later.  One month later, I found out I was pregnant and this is where the greatest journey of my life begins....