I figured I should start out by letting you all know a little more about me and my story as to how I got to where I am now.  I think your past is a big part of who you are, it is what has shaped you and taught you the do's and don'ts of the world.  I decided to start this blog only because I was asked to!  Now, don't get me wrong, I didn't have several people complementing me by any means, I had one individual say a couple nice things about my writing and suggest it so no one had to twist my arm.  When I thought about it, I figured it could be a nice outlet for me and maybe someone will read it who can relate and not feel as alone or crazy.  ;)

Before I begin I do ask a few things of you.  I am well aware that I am not the best speller and my punctuation is at times in the completely wrong spots and I may not use there or their properly but don't worry, I am not teaching English nor do I ever plan to therefore don't make fun of me.  (hehe)  Also, it takes a lot to let potential strangers into your thoughts and view the window of your past, present and future, flaws and all therefore, if you can not keep from judgments and criticism, please do not continue on.

I was born in 1985 in Morristown, New Jersey.  Yes, I was born a Yankee!  Both of my parents had previous marriages along with children from those marriages.  My Mom's children lived with us when I was born, they were 12 (sister) and 14 (brother) at the time and from what I've been told, they spoiled me rotten.  My Dad's children lived with their Mom in Maryland and did not communicate with my Dad.  When I was 2, my Dad was transferred to Roanoke, Virginia.  My mom was devastated and we stayed in New Jersey until after my 3rd Birthday so I could celebrate it with loved ones.  Then we waved good-bye to my sister and brother who chose to stay in New Jersey with their Dad and moved down south.  We moved into a neighborhood in the County.  I was so lucky because their were so many other kids my age on my street.  I had friends every where!  My house was always the hang out spot because my Mom stayed home and we had a pool!  I remember we would swim all day then play flash light tag all night.  

My home life was not your "normal" life.  As everyone who knew us, knew there was a lot of dysfunction in our house.  However, their were also a lot of great times as well that no one seemed to talk about.  Becoming a Mother has opened my eyes to many things, although my parents may not have been award winning parents they did make me who I am and in all honesty, I believe they had the best intentions for me and they are my parents.  I have finally come to the conclusion that they did give it there all and I'm thankful for all the things they did provide me with.  I will never have any other parents, just like they will never have another Ali and although I don't agree with everything they did I do love them.  There will be many things that my child or your children don't agree with you or I about but that's what makes individuals...different perspectives, right?

When I was in kindergarten my Mom was diagnosed with MS.  That was a very big pill to swallow for my Mom.  She was always the gorgeous woman who was always the life of every party.  She caused heads to turn from across the room and was a phenomenal dancer.  She danced on Broadway in New York and even studied with some famous dancers.  She also modeled!  She was stunning!  I would always get compliments from people about how beautiful my Mom was.  However, now she was being told that the things she loved most were being taken away from her.  She had several spells where her leg was not able to move and she would have to drag it behind her as she hobbled around.  There were several times where she woke up and her vision was completely gone for days.  It was all very scary for us all.  However, she has been very lucky as all of these things that happened have always just been temporary.

A couple days before my Junior year in High School one of my very good friends passed away in a car accident.  I had grown up with here since Elementary school and she lived in my neighborhood.  Her and her family were some of the nicest people I have ever met.  It's always hard to loose someone but to loose a friend, that close to you, that young, was so hard!  It took a very long time for me to finally get over the loss of her and not a day goes by that I do not think of her.

That same year I started to date my High School Sweetheart!  He was a star on the baseball team and all the girls were googly eyed for him...I felt like I was cream of the crop when he asked me out!  When our senior year came along he knew he wasn't able to afford to pay for a four year college and his parents were unable to help him therefore he had no other choice but to go to a two year college even though he was graduating with honors.  I of course was so in love and couldn't even think of leaving him for college so I too decided to go to our local Community College as well, even though my parents could help me out and I had the grades to go somewhere else. 

After we graduated we both started working full time and eventually dropped out of school.  I was so close to my Associates, I am still kicking myself in the butt for dropping out!  However, money was more important to us, we had all the answers you know.  I wasn't getting along too well with my parents at this time and was very eager to get out of the house.  Therefore, my boyfriend and I decided that we would get married!  We had been dating for years, always together, loved each other very much, what could be any different? 

After we got engaged he started to work at the Sheriff's office, it was so much more money and it was going to help out tremendously besides, I was working for an Attorney so we were also in the same field now.  We set a wedding date (October 20th) but didn't tell my family until after I moved out into our apartment (June).  My Father was very hurt that I snuck around planning a wedding and getting an apartment and didn't tell him.  I of course at the time, didn't really think it was that big of a deal.  He didn't think I was making the right decision and refused to be any part of it.  Therefore, my Brother and Sister helped me out. 

The closer the wedding date came the more my fiance and I started to argue.  I had noticed he had started to change with his new job at the Sheriff's office however, I was clouded by all of our dreams to see how much it really was.  I think right before we got married we both probably thought that it wasn't quite right but we were in too deep.  My family had forked out all of this money to make our dreams come true, we had to make this work!  After a few months of marriage, we called it quits.  As hard as it was to admit...yes Dad, you were right!  Don't you hate it when your parents were right?  ;)

I for one, am not good with change at all.  Here was my best friend for nearly 6.5 years whom I was now in no communication with.  I didn't know exactly how to handle it.  Be happy or be sad; be ashamed or be proud? Were people going to look down on me now? 

I was introduced to a group of really nice individuals by my best friend.  I started hanging out with them every weekend.  It was a very diverse group but one thing they all had in common was they were all very excepting of me.  They were all into the party scene and with me feeling so lost I fell right into it with them.  Every weekend we did the same thing...how it kept us amused for so long, I'm not exactly sure now?  (HA)  I started having feelings for one of the individuals and he with me as well.  We started to hang out during the week and realized we REALLY liked each other.  Only thing that people may look down upon, including my parents was...he was 15 years older than me and had a 15 year old daughter who he had full custody of.  However, I fell hard and very fast for him and didn't care what people thought about it.  This was a different kind of love then for my High school Sweetheart too...I still to this day get butterflies every time he kisses me and I still stare at him at times with my heart bursting with all the love I have for him.

After two years together we got engaged in the snow and married on the beach a year later.  One month later, I found out I was pregnant and this is where the greatest journey of my life begins....